Rachel Ray Can Kiss My Ass

There's this show on the Food Network where uberperky gastropornstar Rachel Ray stuffs herself with food and drink from restaurants and bars in various upscale locales across the US. The kicker is, she can only spend $40 a day. The show is called...let's see...what is it...oh, yeah: $40 A Day. She usually ends up spending less, and eating like a starving hyena. She always asks her server or bartender for more bread, more butter, more this, more that. I wouldn't be surprised if they've edited out the scenes that show her stuffing packets of Equal into her purse, along with the linen and flatware. Then they flash an on-screen tally of the cost of her meal. Well, damn, now I know how she sticks to that budget: she SHAFTS her server! She'll spend $18 bucks for a meal and then tip two dollars! After running her server to death and asking for a slice of the moon on a platinum platter garnished with the skulls of virgins. The sheer gall of this woman, who, according to her Food Network bio, has never been more than seven feet from a restaurant in her whole blessed life. You should know better, Rachel Ray. Shame on you. I hope you find a pubic hair in your next bowl of lentil soup.

On the other hand, Alton Brown rocks.