Thursday, July 10, 2008

Troy King's Wide Stance

Well, it looks like our notoriously prudish state attorney general may be less of a prude than we had believed. Rumors are swirling that Troy King, he of the sex toy ban and the anti-gay rhetoric, has been booted out of his home after his wife found him canoodling...with another gentleman. This is still merely a rumor, and so for the moment Mr. King is assumed to be as stalwartly hetero as John Wayne and Hitler, but should it turn out to be true, then it's another data point supporting my theory that cognitive dissonance is a necessary precursor to success as a right-wing politician. I mean, this is the guy who wrote this hateful screed to the student newspaper while in law school:
The time has come for the majority to rise from its figurative slumber. The picture on the front page of Monday's issue of The Crimson White looked like the front page of Sodom and Gomorrah News the day before those cities were destroyed. I and a majority of the students were appalled not that these students would pose for this picture, for we have seen that the homosexuals in America will do anything to grab a headline but rather I am furious that this paper would sacrifice its journalistic integrity for a tabloid-esque reporting! It is indeed sad that America has fallen to the point where she will condone any type of deviant, immoral activity in which a group desires to participate. However, perhaps even more compelling evidence of the perversion of America is evidenced not only by the fact that this story was published in the newspaper but rather that it was graphically depicted on the front page.

The existence of the Gay/Lesbian alliance on this campus is an affront to the state of Alabama, its citizenry, this diversity and its students. However, it is also an outrage to compel those students with both moral and religious objections to the activities and ideas espoused by this organization to contribute money, via student fees, to subsidize these activities.

One has but to look at the forces which the controversy has united--from the American Civil Liberties Union to the National Organization of Women to the Queer Nation just to name a few--to clearly see how corrupt a cause this truly is.

The argument can often be heard that what goes on in the bedroom is private. However, it is flawed reasoning to attempt to justify the gay movement in America today on this basis, for they have taken sex from the confines of the bedroom into the streets, the evening news, and now even the front page of the newspaper.
Boy, it would suck to be so filled with denial and self-loathing. I imagine Troy King is thinking, "I'm not queer! I just like having sex with men!" If the rumor is true, that is. I have to admit to a frisson of anticipation at watching this sordid story unfold.

Hypocrite, hypocrite, hypocrite.


Anonymous said...

What was the picture? If it was anything like a typical gay pride float I understand the outrage completely. Being gay does not entitle you to make such displays. Such things have no place in public be you homosexual or heterosexual.

Bitter Old Punk said...

I have no idea what the picture was.

Your comment suggests you are offended by "typical gay pride" floats, because "such things" have no place in public regardless of your sexual orientation.

So I'm assuming you are also outraged by bikinis, most TV shows, cheesecake calendars, and the Miss America pageant.

Wow, dude (or madam, as the case may be -- you didn't have the guts to identify yourself). You're posting to the wrong blog forum. Around these parts we're all in favor of big fat juicy cocks, boobies, p0rn, and deviancy in general.

And you're also kinda missing the point. Seems like if Mr. King (who is STRAIGHTER THAN EVEN JESUS HIMSELF until proven otherwise) were comfortable with sexual self-expression these rumors wouldn't have quite the hold they have, considering his "no-fun-allowed" ideas about what consenting adults should be able to do with their naughty bits in the privacy of their own home.

I mean, due to his sex toy ban, we're forced to use zucchinis and canteloupes around here, and not only is that unsanitary, the bill for cleaning the sheets is killin' me.

kaicevy said...

The argument can often be heard that what goes on in the bedroom is private

Kelly said...

Hey, sorry to post something completely unrelated here, but I just saw your comment on MetaFilter asking about an old Mac space game... was your game Spaceward Ho? I would have posted this on MF, but I can't remember my password!

Bitter Old Punk said...

"Spaceward Ho" was turn-based, wasn't it? If so, that's not it. But thanks for seeking me out with the suggestion. Not being able to remember that game is driving me crazy!